I felt so discouraged again today.. :(

yeah, well you can see my title said that I felt discouraged. and here what I found after I prayed and opened the scripture to find what would God want to remind me or comfort me.

God Is Our Refuge and Strength
To the chief Musician for the sons of Korah, A Song upon Al'amoth.
1	God is our refuge and strength,          a very present help in trouble.
2	Therefore will not we fear,          though the earth be removed, and though the mountains be carried into the midst of the sea;
3	though the waters thereof roar and be troubled,          though the mountains shake with the swelling thereof. Selah.
4	There is a river, the streams whereof shall make glad the city of God,          the holy place of the tabernacles of the Most High.
5	God is in the midst of her;          she shall not be moved: God shall help her, and that right early.
6	The heathen raged, the kingdoms were moved:          he uttered his voice, the earth melted.
7	The LORD of hosts is with us;          the God of Jacob is our refuge. Selah.
8	Come, behold the works of the LORD,          what desolations he hath made in the earth.
9	He maketh wars to cease unto the end of the earth;          he breaketh the bow, and cutteth the spear in sunder; he burneth the chariot in the fire.
10	Be still, and know that I am God:          I will be exalted among the heathen, I will be exalted in the earth.
11	The LORD of hosts is with us;          the God of Jacob is our refuge. Selah.

Published by The American Bible Society

Mom & Her Absenses at School

It is fascinating how fast the time has passed by. Soon I will turn 31. lol I talked to mom recently and nothing much most of the questions she asked were about my health. First question she asks me every time I call her is " Do you get some exercise?" I will always roll my eyes when she asks me that.

And she continues saying, " I just want you to be healthy and you have no one out there who would take care of you if you get sick. I live too far half the world from you."

My mom she rarely get sick. When she got sick, she always in the hospital bed.

Every time I  get to call her she is always at school teaching & one of her responsibility is also being a class adviser for trouble kids.

We talked a lot when we got on the phone together in various topics. My mom is like my friend. She is my best friend I would say that.

Last week I asked her if she ever missed teaching at school. She replied," I never missed school, but if I missed that day it means I have no money for the bus."

I continued asking," well, your school is near our house, you could just walk, couldn't you?"
Mom replied, " Yes I could walk to the school that I am teaching at now but when you girls were young the school I was teaching at was over 50 miles away."

I paused and thought of how many times we've seen her missed teaching at her school. well, I remember that she used to not go to school for a week for one time and for a couple month for another time.

The first time that happened was when she allergic to some kind of medication. It was when I put my mission paper in. All of her body (eyes, ears, palms, legs, feet. back neck, etc.) was covered with red hives. she got swollen. She felt itchy everywhere. It was devastating to me to see her like that. She said she could take her eyes out if she could. It was the first time that she said she didn't want to live. The hives had been on her that bad for a week that she won't be able to open her eyes because of the hives and the itchiness. and the week after it was decreasing. That was when she didn't go to teach for a week.

The second time was when I was back visiting Thailand in 2008. She has Herniated discs. At first, the doctor couldn't figure out what actually happened to her back hurt. They kept giving her pain killers and massage therapy at the hospital. but it didn't help.


Oh I forget to mention that I was in Chiang Mai most of the time when I visited Thailand. Before I came back to the States I planned to come visit my parents for 2 weeks before I left the country. the 1st week mom was so happy to see me. The second week, mom could walk and vomited blood. We admitted her into the hospital. She vomited blood because of a severe ulcer. We didn't know what to do. Dad went back to the clinic to see my mom Doctor. and explained everything to him. The doctor recommended him to have mom do MRI. We decided that she should do that since she don't know what happened to her back. and MRI result showed that she has 3 Herniated discs. Well, now my dad needed to make a big decision if he wanted mom to do the surgery. He did make he decision to have her having a surgery. Her surgery was successful. She had knots on her spinal to prevent Herniated discs. That was when she missed teaching at school for a month because she couldn't worked. 

Well, to make it short, I am grateful to be a daughter of my mom. She is my super mom! 

Outside my kitchen window pane

I always spend my time looking out at my kitchen window pane every morning half sleep and half awake like I could predict the weather what is going to be like this afternoon or tomorrow; of course, i won't be able to predict the weather or having the senses like an animal.  As I look out the window, I pause and think how the weather changes everyday, every hour, every minute comparing to our life how we all change everyday but something in us could be controlled but some we can't do anything about it like our ages. What could we do to make this world more beautiful? Do we need to dress up beautiful clothing? I think we all do but not dressing up physically. We all need to dress up spiritually' having a good heart, love, and sincere.

I don't know what is my purpose of writing on this post today. I just think if we all love each other with a sincere heart; we could have a heaven on earth.

Love & Sacrifice

For the past couple weeks, I have been thinking of what my life is going to be in the future. I wondered if I could find the right one to be my best friend forever, or if that person would find me. I am certain that the Lord will guide me as long as I am faithful.

Anyway, I came across someone that I never knew before, actually I know that person before int he spirit world I suppose. I am amazed how this person has such love and sacrifice to the spouse who is sick in the hospital bed that this person will always with the spouse no matter what happens. I probably couldn't explain how much I admire this person in one page on this blog. This person inspires me to do my best to be better person. I have felt the Christlike in this person. I wish I had an opportunity to marry to a person like this person.

I love to look at the picture I took during the hike in 2009. What is actually beyond that endless space?

Childhood continue..

Recently, I have been thinking about going back to school. Well, I do have a degree from Thailand but it's nothing when I am here in the States. Right now, I am not back in school yet.. Of course, I have no money. 2011 is my starting year, starting from nothing. I took a semester at UVU and after the separation with my ex I stopped going to school. Pretty much I have to deal with my emotion breakdown and have to concentrate on the job I had at the time. I had moving around wasting my time and saving money just to try recovering from the heart breaking didn't work and now I am back to Utah again.

I recall what mom had told us when we were very young. She said that she had no any heirloom to give the only thing she could give us her children is an Education. Mom always says that we, human being, both die rich and die poor; we won't be able to take any processions along with us after this life but the only thing we can take is knowledge or what we have learned in this life. Education is one of the most precious treasure!, mom always reminds us.

My parents have been working hard through out their lives. They are mainly working as teachers. Mom teaches Social Science. Dad teaches Physics.  They both always have side jobs. Dad does welding and other construction after school. Mom used to bake and cook some food whatever people ordered to sell at her school. It takes her almost 20 yrs until she stopped baking and cooking food to sell. Now she has another side job open a dormitory for college girl at the house and sells Life Insurance whenever she has time to do.

Dad loves drinking which I don't like about him; other than that he is a great dad if he's not drunk.

My parents taught us to not look down others who are less fortunate. They said what we would feel if other people who are more well being than us look down to us.

I would consider our family not a middle class family in Thailand but poor.

Well, right now I am trying to figure out what should I do to get back to school again. I still do need to save money for a back up in case I am out of job (so I would have a place to sleep, some food to eat) ; especially, in this kind of economy crisis around the world... many people may think that I can get the loan. yes, of course I can get the loan but I still need to have an emergency money too.

I think I'd better go to bed soon. Will write more next time.

Childhood

Jan & Me (Jul)

I have recently been thinking about my childhood of how simple the life is. My family is not rich. Both of my parents are high school teachers. They are working hard to create a better life for their children. We would consider our family of non-materialistic family. I recall that we don't have a car, a bike, nor a motor-bike because we didn't have a lot of money but we were happy.

Last night, I was not able to fall asleep. I felt so lonely. Wanna have someone to cuddle with..lol.... anyway, It time to go back to work now. I will be back and write more about my childhood and what my mom has been teaching us as a child.